"Hold Please"

 Oh hey!

It's been about a year, so I'm right on time to write a new post! LOL

Firstly, I love you and I'm glad you're on this planet, breathing, living, learning, loving.

I pray you are finding ways to be gentle with yourself and with others. Everyone's going through something.

Secondly, some of you may already know this,

I'm writing the first draft of a new Afro-scifi novel series, and I'm inviting you to support this effort by buying me a coffee

The Series: The Drops of Glass/Light Saga

"In the 31st century, three generations of Afro-Martian Seers scourer their DNA, dreams and the intergalactic record to fulfill an ancient prophecy amidst growing cries for revolution."

Book no. 1: Journals of a Minor Prophet

Currently 218 pages in.

If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, some of this may look familiar. 

These novels are directly connected to several screenplays I've written that I'm calling The Sister Series. They make up an Afro-past-present-and-futurism multiverse spanning TV and Film including Blackwell (sci-fi tv drama), WISHs, Or What I Should Have Said (comedy web series), and Subordinate (solo short film).

I'll be sharing updates through my buy me a coffee page, but here's a taste to thank you for dropping in on this post:

One of the things I realized today after reading yesterdays pages, is I crave moments in art where someone who is mourning is deeply cared for. Moments where, even ask they are breaking into pieces, they discover they aren't alone. It doesn't invalidate their pain, it may not take the pain away, but it gives them a soft place to land. I think a lot of time we expect this tenderness from family, from significant others, friends, chosen family. 

I wrote this moment yesterday, and the source of the comfort shocked me by the who and the how it was so gentle.

circa page 215:

“She’s gone,” I’m gasping, panic seeps from my eyes, but now I feel Damien’s arm around my waist and Carla’s hand on my cheek. Everyone. Everyone can see me making a spectacle of myself in my mother’s dress. Shit, shit, shit! “I’m fine-” I sputter.

“You’re not,” Carla says gently, “And you don’t have to be.” She takes my hand, “Trust me on this...”

To have someone hold space for you to feel your feelings feels deep. Amazing. 

Thanks to all you Neighbors who have held space for my grief. 

Coffee and tea consumed thanks to your generosity!

From Chiya Chai in Logan Square

From Fairgrounds in Wicker Park

LavAzza Qualità Rossa from my kitchen

Click here or share to buy me a coffee

Thanks in advance!

Warming Center...

 Beloveds.

How are you? Really.

Check in with You.

I'm still on a social media break (going on three weeks... but also, what is time rn?), 

But 

I wanted to share this note I just wrote to myself after an unexpectedly emotionally laborious errand to and from an otherwise routine annual appointment:

Tamp

12 degrees in '21. 12? Fine...

Time, bitterly still and blindingly quick.

Passing boarded-up windows plastered with slogans

    Protest

    Solidarity

    For Sale/For Rent/Space Available

On one storefront:

    #JusticeFor

And a list of names...

The window too small

for all the names...

Your phone pings your arrival before you even reach the door.

That New App Magic. Okay...

Waiting.

And movement.

And more waiting.

You are grateful to have access to this care.

You wait.

Questions you expect.

You don't expect

"What breaks your heart?"

is "easier" to answer than

"What brings you joy right now?"

You don't expect

The feeling your response to 

[What's a typical day like?]

Is inadequate,

Because what is typical right now?

You scoff at yourself... 

And all of the sudden (though not really)

Your heart is in your throat,

And you're glad you're wearing a mask,

and your giant glasses

to hide the twisting of your lips, your cheeks,

maybe even the tears welling up in your eyes.

Maybe you can blink them back before they spill out...

But you can't and they do... 

Beloved, 

I understand we don't want to cry

in the cold

in this office

in public

into our mask,

AND

Beloved,

It's okay

to feel the deep ache,

building up in our gut

until we can't say another word

until we let loose the sob.

I understand, we like to give our catharsis parameters.

But maybe

It just needs space. Like us, Beloved We.

And, here's the best part, there's plenty of space available.

Also, If you need info on warming centers in Illinois, call 3-1-1 and they'll give the most up-to-date info.

Take care, Beloveds.

Have you ever tried to send a text while your "purples" are dilated?

Stay prayed up. The Lord is at work making all things new.

In Real Life...

Today
I spent the morning
Meeting with
Three
Amazing
Humans,
All in the same room at the same time,
To continue the journey
Of bringing something I wrote to life.

Honored/Grateful/Excited/Terrified
feelingallthefeelings

Team,
Thanks for saying "yes".

Time/Occupation
Do what matters
Or
It won’t matter

Seven and a half Years Later...

She remembers she has a blog.

Wow. Fam. Friends.

So much L.I.F.E. has happened, that instead of trying to give you a summary, I'm just going to jump right into the now, and fill in context as is necessary.

I'm grateful to
A) be alive (praise the Lord),
B) be acting full-time (check out for all the ways you can follow my career), and
C) continue my first foray into independent film/web series making.
(Among'st many other wonderful life-things!)

That's right! This DarkNLovely is combining her skills of poetry, playwrighting, screenwriting, acting, producing, and theatre admin work to create and star in my first web series!

I'm honored and excited about the team that's coming together to bring this original comedy series to life for you. I'll share more details soon, but in the meantime, since it's inspired by a book of poems I wrote, (The Distancia/Imbraccium Poems), here are some nuggets to carry us all through the weekend:

To My Dear Family and Friends
Thank you for sharing your hearts with me
While mine has been breaking
And reshaping itself.
Thank you for picking up the pieces
Too small for me to see
And too big for me to lift alone.
Thank you for being precious.
You are precious to me.

Remember Life
We will
Drown in sorrow
If we forget
To dream
And love

Breathe. Live. Love.