Warming Center...

 Beloveds.

How are you? Really.

Check in with You.

I'm still on a social media break (going on three weeks... but also, what is time rn?), 

But 

I wanted to share this note I just wrote to myself after an unexpectedly emotionally laborious errand to and from an otherwise routine annual appointment:

Tamp

12 degrees in '21. 12? Fine...

Time, bitterly still and blindingly quick.

Passing boarded-up windows plastered with slogans

    Protest

    Solidarity

    For Sale/For Rent/Space Available

On one storefront:

    #JusticeFor

And a list of names...

The window too small

for all the names...

Your phone pings your arrival before you even reach the door.

That New App Magic. Okay...

Waiting.

And movement.

And more waiting.

You are grateful to have access to this care.

You wait.

Questions you expect.

You don't expect

"What breaks your heart?"

is "easier" to answer than

"What brings you joy right now?"

You don't expect

The feeling your response to 

[What's a typical day like?]

Is inadequate,

Because what is typical right now?

You scoff at yourself... 

And all of the sudden (though not really)

Your heart is in your throat,

And you're glad you're wearing a mask,

and your giant glasses

to hide the twisting of your lips, your cheeks,

maybe even the tears welling up in your eyes.

Maybe you can blink them back before they spill out...

But you can't and they do... 

Beloved, 

I understand we don't want to cry

in the cold

in this office

in public

into our mask,

AND

Beloved,

It's okay

to feel the deep ache,

building up in our gut

until we can't say another word

until we let loose the sob.

I understand, we like to give our catharsis parameters.

But maybe

It just needs space. Like us, Beloved We.

And, here's the best part, there's plenty of space available.

Also, If you need info on warming centers in Illinois, call 3-1-1 and they'll give the most up-to-date info.

Take care, Beloveds.

Have you ever tried to send a text while your "purples" are dilated?

Stay prayed up. The Lord is at work making all things new.

The Other Source Connect...

 Neighbors. Love y'all.

If you're like me, you've had time, perhaps a LOT of time, lately to sit with yourself. Maybe the sitting hasn't been your choice: 

Your workflow has slowed significantly or stopped all together.

Your body/heart/mind is overwhelmed and exhausted.

Superfluous distractions have been stripped away.

Beloveds, I hope you are finding ways to be gentle with yourselves. I hope you are finding ways to be gentle with each other. In the midst of all the grief and chaos of this time, there will be renewal. There will be restoration. And mourning looks different for everyone. Check in with each other.

Take this time to take stock in your Foundation. Is it built on a rock or on sand?

For anyone who doesn't know, I love Jesus and I believe the Bible. And Church hurt is some of the hardest hurt to heal. AND that healing and restoration is possible.

Also, I started tele-therapy pretty early into the pandemic/paradigm shift (it's a revolution, y'all.) I had/have a growing need to stop and examine all the wounds I've acquired over the years. Losses. Insecurities. Unhealthy expectations I've put on myself and that others have put on me. 

The key thing about this human experience is we are multiple layers:

Physical and metaphysical, mental and spiritual, will and faith, obedience and rebellion, cultural, multicultural and counter-cultural.

Our hurts and joys exist in so many forms in so many layers. Sometimes we can't see the root cause of what we feel. Sometimes we need help to process the cuts, the harms done to us and that we've done to ourselves so that we can fully embrace the joys.

There is no shame in saying, "I'm not okay today."

And there is no shame is saying, "I'm not okay today, but right now I'm going to focus on joy."

And

I encourage you to tap into the Source (I'm a Christian, so I believe our Source is God), and ask what you need. Where is the Source at work in your situation, in your sphere, and what must you do to join in that work?

I didn't sit down thinking I was going to type all this, but what I hope you hear/read as the thesis is, our God is not a God of confusion. Our God is a WayMaker, and if you are unsure of anything, you can literally ask the Source. Then Listen deep.

You are Loved. You are not alone. I'm glad you're here. Tap in.

(model: me, photo and edit: me via Polish Photo app)

Pen Pals

Today I wrote a letter I'd like to share with you.

Shout out to #TheInklings for nurturing the space,
and time, and kindness to pen this.

#youareloved

Dear Past Me,

Hello

It’s been a while. You’ve been away from us. Or we’ve been away from you?

I look at photos and wonder “who are those young people? Do they know they look scared? And full of joy at the same time?”

If I were to give you some advice years ago, I think I would start with this:

There will be times when you have no idea how

There will be times when you can’t see a path

But

The things that must be

The Lord will make a way

There will be bumps along the road.

There will be wrong turns, and sometimes the pavement will crack.

There will be “recalculating.”

Sometimes the trail you traveled before will be overgrown and look unfamiliar.

Sometimes you won’t be able to see the next step through the tears.

Lean in.

Sometimes you will need to pause, and heal.

Sometimes you won’t have a choice but to press forward,

Lifting your foot and praying the ground will come up to meet you.

To keep your legs moving so you don’t trip and fall.

Sometimes you will crawl or be carried, when all you want to do is sit and weep.

To hide and/or sleep.

To you I say:

Sometimes it’s okay.

Sometimes it’s not okay.

Listen deeply to discern which is which.

Sometimes the answer is a shout

Sometimes the answer is in the silence,

The light, the art, the wind, the soil, the song, the soul.

I wish I could tell you all the answers,

But I’m still learning, too.

And though, I know, sometimes We hate this answer,

We’ll have to wait and see.

But,

I’m glad that I’ll be with you, I’ll bring you along

When we get to walk into Eternity.

I’m glad that, even as the minutes, days, weeks, years count on and upward,

You’re always with me, and I am with you, whether you know me, yet, or not.

To you, to me, to us.

Learning to love you and listen to you better,

Present and Future Me

Creating and COVID 19: How's Your Spring 2020?

So...

I've been released from production contracts (for reasons of protecting ours and our Neighbors' safety, with I 100% support) from Friday, March 13th (that's right, Friday the 13th) until September.

I know my situation is not unique as millions of people around the country and even more around the world commit to social distancing and shelter-in-place orders are set in place to try to manage the spread of the Coronavirus.

I have a lot of time... to figure out how to spend that time...

Some days are easy--"I'm working from home like I usually would outside of rehearsals..."

Some days are... not--"This is all so BIG..."

So, I'm practicing checking in with myself (as well as others).

How am I today?
How am I right now?
How are you?

I am grateful,

And

It is hard to process the gravitas of this global crisis.

And

That's okay.

I hope that you are healthy and have what you need.

If you're an essential worker, THANK YOU.

If you've lost/are continuing to lose income, I HOPE RELIEF COMES TO YOU.

If you're structure has been shaken and you feel lost, I AFFIRM YOUR VALUE OF BEING YOU.

And if you're like me, and you need to be reminded of all these things when your mind spirals and gets swallowed by the gravitas, let me remind us

To

BREATHE.

If you can support essential businesses, please do.

If you need help, please ask.

You are loved. We are Neighbors.

Be gentle with yourselves, especially during this time.

Also, stay home stay home stay home whenever you can and Wash. Your. Hands.

Taking a Moment to Breathe...

Hey All Hey!

I hope all is well and/or you are seeking and finding the support, rest, motivation you need.

I'm working with a wonderful team, getting ready to open (THIS WEEKEND!!) the Chicago premier of THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR SHOW at Chicago Children's Theatre (link for show info).

While I have a moment, I'd like to share with you a new poem.

Grief Doesn't Expire

I am grateful,

I am healing,

I am hurting,

I trust in process,

and I acknowledge

the pain of missing your dear hearts

          is a non-perishable item,

even when it exists with joy.

Be kind to yourself as you heal. Some days are easier than others. That's okay.

#youareloved