Warming Center...

 Beloveds.

How are you? Really.

Check in with You.

I'm still on a social media break (going on three weeks... but also, what is time rn?), 

But 

I wanted to share this note I just wrote to myself after an unexpectedly emotionally laborious errand to and from an otherwise routine annual appointment:

Tamp

12 degrees in '21. 12? Fine...

Time, bitterly still and blindingly quick.

Passing boarded-up windows plastered with slogans

    Protest

    Solidarity

    For Sale/For Rent/Space Available

On one storefront:

    #JusticeFor

And a list of names...

The window too small

for all the names...

Your phone pings your arrival before you even reach the door.

That New App Magic. Okay...

Waiting.

And movement.

And more waiting.

You are grateful to have access to this care.

You wait.

Questions you expect.

You don't expect

"What breaks your heart?"

is "easier" to answer than

"What brings you joy right now?"

You don't expect

The feeling your response to 

[What's a typical day like?]

Is inadequate,

Because what is typical right now?

You scoff at yourself... 

And all of the sudden (though not really)

Your heart is in your throat,

And you're glad you're wearing a mask,

and your giant glasses

to hide the twisting of your lips, your cheeks,

maybe even the tears welling up in your eyes.

Maybe you can blink them back before they spill out...

But you can't and they do... 

Beloved, 

I understand we don't want to cry

in the cold

in this office

in public

into our mask,

AND

Beloved,

It's okay

to feel the deep ache,

building up in our gut

until we can't say another word

until we let loose the sob.

I understand, we like to give our catharsis parameters.

But maybe

It just needs space. Like us, Beloved We.

And, here's the best part, there's plenty of space available.

Also, If you need info on warming centers in Illinois, call 3-1-1 and they'll give the most up-to-date info.

Take care, Beloveds.

Have you ever tried to send a text while your "purples" are dilated?

Stay prayed up. The Lord is at work making all things new.

The Other Source Connect...

 Neighbors. Love y'all.

If you're like me, you've had time, perhaps a LOT of time, lately to sit with yourself. Maybe the sitting hasn't been your choice: 

Your workflow has slowed significantly or stopped all together.

Your body/heart/mind is overwhelmed and exhausted.

Superfluous distractions have been stripped away.

Beloveds, I hope you are finding ways to be gentle with yourselves. I hope you are finding ways to be gentle with each other. In the midst of all the grief and chaos of this time, there will be renewal. There will be restoration. And mourning looks different for everyone. Check in with each other.

Take this time to take stock in your Foundation. Is it built on a rock or on sand?

For anyone who doesn't know, I love Jesus and I believe the Bible. And Church hurt is some of the hardest hurt to heal. AND that healing and restoration is possible.

Also, I started tele-therapy pretty early into the pandemic/paradigm shift (it's a revolution, y'all.) I had/have a growing need to stop and examine all the wounds I've acquired over the years. Losses. Insecurities. Unhealthy expectations I've put on myself and that others have put on me. 

The key thing about this human experience is we are multiple layers:

Physical and metaphysical, mental and spiritual, will and faith, obedience and rebellion, cultural, multicultural and counter-cultural.

Our hurts and joys exist in so many forms in so many layers. Sometimes we can't see the root cause of what we feel. Sometimes we need help to process the cuts, the harms done to us and that we've done to ourselves so that we can fully embrace the joys.

There is no shame in saying, "I'm not okay today."

And there is no shame is saying, "I'm not okay today, but right now I'm going to focus on joy."

And

I encourage you to tap into the Source (I'm a Christian, so I believe our Source is God), and ask what you need. Where is the Source at work in your situation, in your sphere, and what must you do to join in that work?

I didn't sit down thinking I was going to type all this, but what I hope you hear/read as the thesis is, our God is not a God of confusion. Our God is a WayMaker, and if you are unsure of anything, you can literally ask the Source. Then Listen deep.

You are Loved. You are not alone. I'm glad you're here. Tap in.

(model: me, photo and edit: me via Polish Photo app)