"Hold Please"

 Oh hey!

It's been about a year, so I'm right on time to write a new post! LOL

Firstly, I love you and I'm glad you're on this planet, breathing, living, learning, loving.

I pray you are finding ways to be gentle with yourself and with others. Everyone's going through something.

Secondly, some of you may already know this,

I'm writing the first draft of a new Afro-scifi novel series, and I'm inviting you to support this effort by buying me a coffee

The Series: The Drops of Glass/Light Saga

"In the 31st century, three generations of Afro-Martian Seers scourer their DNA, dreams and the intergalactic record to fulfill an ancient prophecy amidst growing cries for revolution."

Book no. 1: Journals of a Minor Prophet

Currently 218 pages in.

If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, some of this may look familiar. 

These novels are directly connected to several screenplays I've written that I'm calling The Sister Series. They make up an Afro-past-present-and-futurism multiverse spanning TV and Film including Blackwell (sci-fi tv drama), WISHs, Or What I Should Have Said (comedy web series), and Subordinate (solo short film).

I'll be sharing updates through my buy me a coffee page, but here's a taste to thank you for dropping in on this post:

One of the things I realized today after reading yesterdays pages, is I crave moments in art where someone who is mourning is deeply cared for. Moments where, even ask they are breaking into pieces, they discover they aren't alone. It doesn't invalidate their pain, it may not take the pain away, but it gives them a soft place to land. I think a lot of time we expect this tenderness from family, from significant others, friends, chosen family. 

I wrote this moment yesterday, and the source of the comfort shocked me by the who and the how it was so gentle.

circa page 215:

“She’s gone,” I’m gasping, panic seeps from my eyes, but now I feel Damien’s arm around my waist and Carla’s hand on my cheek. Everyone. Everyone can see me making a spectacle of myself in my mother’s dress. Shit, shit, shit! “I’m fine-” I sputter.

“You’re not,” Carla says gently, “And you don’t have to be.” She takes my hand, “Trust me on this...”

To have someone hold space for you to feel your feelings feels deep. Amazing. 

Thanks to all you Neighbors who have held space for my grief. 

Coffee and tea consumed thanks to your generosity!

From Chiya Chai in Logan Square

From Fairgrounds in Wicker Park

LavAzza Qualità Rossa from my kitchen

Click here or share to buy me a coffee

Thanks in advance!

The Other Source Connect...

 Neighbors. Love y'all.

If you're like me, you've had time, perhaps a LOT of time, lately to sit with yourself. Maybe the sitting hasn't been your choice: 

Your workflow has slowed significantly or stopped all together.

Your body/heart/mind is overwhelmed and exhausted.

Superfluous distractions have been stripped away.

Beloveds, I hope you are finding ways to be gentle with yourselves. I hope you are finding ways to be gentle with each other. In the midst of all the grief and chaos of this time, there will be renewal. There will be restoration. And mourning looks different for everyone. Check in with each other.

Take this time to take stock in your Foundation. Is it built on a rock or on sand?

For anyone who doesn't know, I love Jesus and I believe the Bible. And Church hurt is some of the hardest hurt to heal. AND that healing and restoration is possible.

Also, I started tele-therapy pretty early into the pandemic/paradigm shift (it's a revolution, y'all.) I had/have a growing need to stop and examine all the wounds I've acquired over the years. Losses. Insecurities. Unhealthy expectations I've put on myself and that others have put on me. 

The key thing about this human experience is we are multiple layers:

Physical and metaphysical, mental and spiritual, will and faith, obedience and rebellion, cultural, multicultural and counter-cultural.

Our hurts and joys exist in so many forms in so many layers. Sometimes we can't see the root cause of what we feel. Sometimes we need help to process the cuts, the harms done to us and that we've done to ourselves so that we can fully embrace the joys.

There is no shame in saying, "I'm not okay today."

And there is no shame is saying, "I'm not okay today, but right now I'm going to focus on joy."

And

I encourage you to tap into the Source (I'm a Christian, so I believe our Source is God), and ask what you need. Where is the Source at work in your situation, in your sphere, and what must you do to join in that work?

I didn't sit down thinking I was going to type all this, but what I hope you hear/read as the thesis is, our God is not a God of confusion. Our God is a WayMaker, and if you are unsure of anything, you can literally ask the Source. Then Listen deep.

You are Loved. You are not alone. I'm glad you're here. Tap in.

(model: me, photo and edit: me via Polish Photo app)

Creating and COVID 19: How's Your Spring 2020?

So...

I've been released from production contracts (for reasons of protecting ours and our Neighbors' safety, with I 100% support) from Friday, March 13th (that's right, Friday the 13th) until September.

I know my situation is not unique as millions of people around the country and even more around the world commit to social distancing and shelter-in-place orders are set in place to try to manage the spread of the Coronavirus.

I have a lot of time... to figure out how to spend that time...

Some days are easy--"I'm working from home like I usually would outside of rehearsals..."

Some days are... not--"This is all so BIG..."

So, I'm practicing checking in with myself (as well as others).

How am I today?
How am I right now?
How are you?

I am grateful,

And

It is hard to process the gravitas of this global crisis.

And

That's okay.

I hope that you are healthy and have what you need.

If you're an essential worker, THANK YOU.

If you've lost/are continuing to lose income, I HOPE RELIEF COMES TO YOU.

If you're structure has been shaken and you feel lost, I AFFIRM YOUR VALUE OF BEING YOU.

And if you're like me, and you need to be reminded of all these things when your mind spirals and gets swallowed by the gravitas, let me remind us

To

BREATHE.

If you can support essential businesses, please do.

If you need help, please ask.

You are loved. We are Neighbors.

Be gentle with yourselves, especially during this time.

Also, stay home stay home stay home whenever you can and Wash. Your. Hands.

Taking a Moment to Breathe...

Hey All Hey!

I hope all is well and/or you are seeking and finding the support, rest, motivation you need.

I'm working with a wonderful team, getting ready to open (THIS WEEKEND!!) the Chicago premier of THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR SHOW at Chicago Children's Theatre (link for show info).

While I have a moment, I'd like to share with you a new poem.

Grief Doesn't Expire

I am grateful,

I am healing,

I am hurting,

I trust in process,

and I acknowledge

the pain of missing your dear hearts

          is a non-perishable item,

even when it exists with joy.

Be kind to yourself as you heal. Some days are easier than others. That's okay.

#youareloved

Seven and a half Years Later...

She remembers she has a blog.

Wow. Fam. Friends.

So much L.I.F.E. has happened, that instead of trying to give you a summary, I'm just going to jump right into the now, and fill in context as is necessary.

I'm grateful to
A) be alive (praise the Lord),
B) be acting full-time (check out for all the ways you can follow my career), and
C) continue my first foray into independent film/web series making.
(Among'st many other wonderful life-things!)

That's right! This DarkNLovely is combining her skills of poetry, playwrighting, screenwriting, acting, producing, and theatre admin work to create and star in my first web series!

I'm honored and excited about the team that's coming together to bring this original comedy series to life for you. I'll share more details soon, but in the meantime, since it's inspired by a book of poems I wrote, (The Distancia/Imbraccium Poems), here are some nuggets to carry us all through the weekend:

To My Dear Family and Friends
Thank you for sharing your hearts with me
While mine has been breaking
And reshaping itself.
Thank you for picking up the pieces
Too small for me to see
And too big for me to lift alone.
Thank you for being precious.
You are precious to me.

Remember Life
We will
Drown in sorrow
If we forget
To dream
And love

Breathe. Live. Love.